da incorrigible SAZEAL

I leave Hyderabad one morning with only a pinch of information that my superiors have decided to pass on to me: “You are going to Nalgonda tomorrow. It is a small place, so you will not have much problem. Your task for this month is to increase the distribution width of premium brands by 25 %. And remember, this place is known for its Naxalite activities. You will have 2 executives and 3 sales persons working for you. Rest you can figure out when you reach there”. Not knowing the kind of cliff I was being pushed from, I reply to them with utmost confidence and enthusiasm, “Right sir! I am sure u won’t be disappointed.”

So next evening I get off the rickety bus, weary-eyed, to find myself in a small congested dusty bus stop. I call up one of the executives whose number my superiors had given me. I am really surprised when, within 3-4 minutes, one of my subordinates comes down to pick me up and escort me to one of the best hotels in Nalgonda. I reach there to find that one of the best hotels of Nalgonda is nothing more than a dingy lodge! Finally I freshen up and decide to have dinner before I take an account of Nalgonda market from my executives. So, I leave the grand hotel, an optimist that I am, in search of some good place to eat…

After walking for about 20 minutes, I lose patience and ask a man on the street, “Aas paas koi achha Hotel hai?”… All I receive is a blank expression combined with a fear of having seen a dementor… I got the point! I always knew I was not as handsome as one of those Gults (friendly slang for Telugu speaking guys) coz early in my life I’d discovered that thick moustaches don’t suit me.

So I decide to switch my tongue, “OK, Can I find a decent Restaurant around?”… the guy is taken aback as if I was a British ruler asking for a ‘teen guna lagaan’ from him!

Finally I think of giving it my last shot, “Hotel… food… near?... khaana?” with very efficient sign language and finally succeed in getting a nod and a reply, “@#&$**%$%* Raghavendra Lodge #$%&*&*#$%#”

I am the one taken aback this time, “Sorry? … again! Not understand…”

“@$!%7^@#*&^!$&$! Raghavendra Lodge $&^%$#%$&#”

“Fine! ... Ragavendra Lodge!? … that side?” finally I am relieved that I won’t go hungry for the night. But believe me that guy’s relief was much greater than mine!

I reach Raghvendra lodge so hungry that I could eat a mammoth. I am welcomed by a beautiful sight of the hotel owner blowing his nose in front of his hotel from the cash counter. I get so impressed by his skill that for the time being I forget the purpose of my visit here.

I pick up a relatively cleaner table as far away from that cash counter as I can. I feel good when the waiter greets me with a smile from under his moustache as I signal him for some water. Immediately he makes two glasses of water appear out of nowhere and serves them to me with the salty taste of his dipped fingers. Next he mutters something and I figure he is asking me what I wish to order. On asking him about the menu, he replies, “Dosha, Idli, Vada, Chicken Biryani and ‘Meals’”. I ask him whether I can get some veg curry and roti to go with. He again mutters something and I understand he does not like to dip his fingers in that. I said, “Ok, get the ‘meals’…”

And my dear readers, your fated narrator is shocked to see the sight and the plight of his dinner as the ‘rajbhog’ arrives. There are 3 bowls full of yellow fluids (which I was to discover later as Dal, Sambhar and Rasam… but there was no way in which even the cook could have figured out which is which!). I muster all my courage, pour all the three liquids in what could have been the rice that my mom cooks for 3 families and gobble it all up (please don’t get me wrong… consider the fact that I am awfully hungry). Later I realized that this was going to be my square meal everyday, twice a day, for coming 30 days. I am sure you won’t believe me if I told u that I felt as if it was the best meal I ever had in my life (owing, yet again, to my poor hungry belly). As I walk back home, I try to recall all the people I had wronged whose curses have sent me to this God-forsaken place.



As I reach my Hotel, I call for a bell boy and ask him to get me some water. As you might have already guessed, the same Armageddon with different languages (including sign language) ensues before he understands that I am only asking for some clean drinking water. I am in for the biggest shock of my life when he comes back with water and blurts out his query that he has been holding back for last few hours, “Are you from America?”

“Huh???? D00D!!! Just because I am carrying a laptop, donning a Jeans and a T-shirt, and new Lee Cooper boots does not mean I am from the United friggin’ States of Amberika… get out of this town and see for God’s own sake, India is more than just Nalgonda.” Well, of course I don’t say all these things to him. Not because it would have hurt him or something, but because of the fact that I would have to spend another half an hour explaining what I just said.

So, this is your humble narrator’s first day in Nalgonda. And truly speaking, this is yet another face of India I get to see as a part of my on-the-job training (which more than my training has become a “see-the-different-samples-of-a-funny-country-called-India” tour for me!)

Jai Hind (I am wondering how I would explain this to the Nalgondites!!?)

Thank Goodness, it was only a month... am off to Delhi now!!!